Every day we’re presented with opportunities to choose how we respond to input from the world around us. It all passes through the lenses and filters we’ve built for ourselves throughout our lives, reaching our web of decision-making skills we’ve developed to survive and thrive given our environment and the experiences it has produced for us.
These are a few of my thoughts on why we should Choose Kindness by default, and only then consider proof of a need to do otherwise.
I often hear the phrase “Everyone’s got it tough.” Let’s look one layer down into that statement though. When it’s laid out the intent is, ostensibly, to soothe. If everyone has it tough, then no one and nothing is targeting you. You’re not particularly disadvantaged.
If the conversation had the space for it, it would be easy to disprove this, and the speaker is usually banking on the fact that no one has time for the nuances of reality. Someone might actually be targeted. Some people have it tougher than others. Sometimes people need each other for support.
“Everyone’s got it tough” is a thought-terminating cliché. Nothing useful can follow it. Continuing to speak to your woes earns scorn because “I said… Everyone’s got it tough.”
Stop trying to get people to drop it, leaving them feeling unheard, unappreciated, unwelcome, and instead just admit when you don’t have the energy or space for someone to share their problems. Or, and I accept that maybe I’m speaking to an avatar here, pull yourself up by those bootstraps you love so much.
Of course, if it sounds like I’m speaking to an avatar it’s because I am. I’m speaking to many, many historical avatars from my lived experience. And if I could say one thing to them, it would be simply to - instead of shutting people down - choose kindness.
But I can’t help but adding that if I could say two things to these people, the other would be “I don’t need your toughness. You can stop pretending it’s for my benefit.”
We tend to succumb to the fallacy that the universe is inherently just. Things will work out, everything happens for a reason.
It’s not called “The Just Universe Fallacy” or the “Just-World Phenomenon” because it reflects reality. It’s called that to set down some buoys in the water. “Beware, sand bars” they say.
Yet people seem to plow their speedboats right past the buoys and straight into the sand and then exclaim “How could this happen to me?!”
Easy. The universe doesn’t give a shit about you. Please allow me to quote one of my favorite quotes from Death here. Or, at least, Terry Pratchett.
“All right," said Susan. "I'm not stupid. You're saying humans need... fantasies to make life bearable."
REALLY? AS IF IT WAS SOME KIND OF PINK PILL? NO. HUMANS NEED FANTASY TO BE HUMAN. TO BE THE PLACE WHERE THE FALLING ANGEL MEETS THE RISING APE.
"Tooth fairies? Hogfathers? Little—"
YES. AS PRACTICE. YOU HAVE TO START OUT LEARNING TO BELIEVE THE LITTLE LIES.
"So we can believe the big ones?"
YES. JUSTICE. MERCY. DUTY. THAT SORT OF THING.
"They're not the same at all!"
YOU THINK SO? THEN TAKE THE UNIVERSE AND GRIND IT DOWN TO THE FINEST POWDER AND SIEVE IT THROUGH THE FINEST SIEVE AND THEN SHOW ME ONE ATOM OF JUSTICE, ONE MOLECULE OF MERCY. AND YET—Death waved a hand. AND YET YOU ACT AS IF THERE IS SOME IDEAL ORDER IN THE WORLD, AS IF THERE IS SOME...SOME RIGHTNESS IN THE UNIVERSE BY WHICH IT MAY BE JUDGED.
"Yes, but people have got to believe that, or what's the point —"
MY POINT EXACTLY.”
~Terry Pratchett, Hogfather
Maybe this makes you feel fatalistic about our chances here. At least, that’s how I felt. But that feeling was quickly replaced with optimism, purpose. If there is no justice inherent to the universe or even many of the systems we ourselves put into place, then it’s only something we create.
This, I hope it’s obvious, was part of my introduction to Nihilism, Existentialism, and moral philosophy. And from that we can extract all kinds of useful thoughts to counteract this hopelessness.
Yes, the universe has no meaning. Yes, we’re all going to die some day.